

We gave a gift of nearly new, good quality furniture to an Argentine couple who had helped us in the initial stages of settling in San Rafael. I was somewhat surprised when I didn't hear a single "thank you " from our friends (let's call them Los Amigos) and later wondered if the contemporary style of the dining room set was not to their liking, after all. Were the leather seats not quite the right colour to match their decor? On their next visit to our house, Los Amigos asked about the floor lamp and an air-conditioning unit that we had not included in the gift package - would we be keeping those items? When we left the city to visit Uruguay for three days, they picked all of the peaches from our trees on the finca. Los Amigos never apologized for helping themselves to the fruit and didn't offer us even one of their many jars of preserves made from the same. On returning from subsequent out-of-town trips, we were dismayed to find that our vegetable garden had been invaded by a not-too-careful thief who snatched squash, beets and carrots and left behind trampled rows of lettuce. Whenever we met with Los Amigos they pleaded with us to provide a character reference for their 26-year-old daughter, who was planning to apply for a job at a local hotel. They insisted that we personally introduce her to the manager and if she wasn't hired, then it was suggested that we could find her a job through our network of business contacts in Canada. As the demands increased, our encounters became more strained. In the end, we had to back off and cool our relationship with Los Amigos. We were at a loss to explain the behaviour of these seemingly decent, church-going, middle class Argentineans of European descent. What had gone wrong? I realize now that our "regalo" had been mistakenly interpreted as an "obsequio".

In English, the word "obsequious" means "servilely obedient or attentive, fawning, deferential" and I think our gift made us appear that way to Los Amigos. Our offering was perceived as an unreasonable request, and they really didn't know how to deal with it graciously. We had inadvertently demeaned ourselves and our apparent neediness presented an opportunity. The receipt of a table and six chairs entitled Los Amigos to "lord over us", to take freely from our property and demand a multitude of personal favours.
When I read an article from CNN about American philanthropists who are acquiring and donating large tracts of land to the Argentine government for use as protected nature reserves, I was struck not only by the donors' largesse, but by the unfortunate negative reception they received from Argentineans. The Tompkins (founders of Esprit Clothing and Northface) immediately became suspect foreigners and unsubstantiated, ulterior motives were pinned to their good deeds. "Gracias" would be a more appropriate response to a generous donation that will save endangered species of flora and fauna, protect the forest and preserve vital riparian landscape.

"We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly and without hesitation, for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers."
- Seneca, Roman philosopher mid-1st century AD


























































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